Which Runs Your Life? Your Priorities Or Your To-Do Lists?

Quite a number of years ago, I realized my to-do list was running my life.  I was well versed in time management, and knew how to prioritize the to-do list to get the most done.  However, the to-do list didn't allow for my real priorities in life.

I began to put my mission statement and true priorities at the top of every to-do list.

My mission (to live a sane and joyful life, while helping others do the same) is a wonderful guide to help me decide what to focus on, and what to let go of.  I break my true priorities down into five areas: my children, my relationships, my work, my health and my spirituality.

Here's an example in the area of parenting:

Let's say your true priority with your children is to help them grow into healthy and happy adults.  The day-to-day aspects of this include a huge number of tasks.  Beyond simply making sure they are clothed, fed and loved, today's world demands that you help them balance a schedule that includes music lessons, sports, schoolwork, etc.  There is tons of paperwork, hard-to-keep-track-of deadlines, and (where I live) lots of driving!

So, focused on the enormous list of to-do's, you become stressed and irritable.  Your focus shifts to accomplishing the task, not on the quality of the relationship.  In rushing to get one child to an activity on time, you snap at their sibling for holding up the process.  The mood darkens for everyone.

When we rush, the amygdala gets activated (the part of our brain that gives us our fight-flight-freeze response). All of a sudden everything feels urgent.  Our amygdala does not care about relating, it cares about survival.

Learning to breathe deeply at these moments helps to insert a "pause" in what is happening.  This pause enables you to think through "how important is it?"  Is it more important that my child be on time for their music lesson or that we have a good relationship?  Breathe.

If running late is going to make me late for my next appointment, will activating my amygdala help?  Is it better to arrive late and totally stressed out, or arrive late and, apologetic, but accepting, functioning and not in disaster mode?  Breathe.

Try inserting a pause into your day-to-day routine when you feel stressed, breathe, and put whatever is happening into the perspective of your true priorities.   Let me know what happens!